When couples come to therapy they often say they hope to interact with their partner differently. They believe change will improve their relationship. I anticipate couples will make changes in the way they think and behave in order to meet their goals. But how do we change when our habits seem so powerful?
The degree to which we feel a close emotional connection with another person is the result of a series of experiences with that person. Confidence in another to be attentive, responsive and kind is a necessary part of the development of marriage and, despite being such an important aspect of marriage, emotional intimacy at times feels elusive.
Interdependence is one of the objectives for many couples in marital therapy. Husbands and wives recognize that what once was a mutual dream for their lives together has become parallel paths where spouses rarely meet. With our busy lives it sometime becomes difficult to find time to even talk about our day with one another.
My kids’ grandparents are the most welcoming couple and an amazing example of marriage. They work together well and even disagree strongly at times. What is notable is their disagreements are often unacknowledged agreements. For example, mom will say “…its East” and dad will say “no, it’s that way.”