Positive Marital Influence

Each summer my husband and I take our three children to see their grandparents in Ontario. We enjoy swimming and paddle boarding, playing bocce, bean bag and eating food cooked on the outdoor grill.

My kids’ grandparents are the most welcoming couple and an amazing example of marriage. They work together well and even disagree strongly at times. What is notable is their disagreements are often unacknowledged agreements. For example, mom will say “…its East” and dad will say “no, it’s that way.” My husband and I look at each other and smile because they are actually agreeing with each other. It is “East” and it’s “that way.”

For their 50th Wedding Anniversary they had a large celebration inviting friends and family from near and far. There were poignant speeches and beautifully wrapped gifts. It was a wonderful testament to their loving marriage.  This summer we celebrated their 55th Wedding Anniversary and it was markedly different.  Only my husband and I and our kids and my husband’s brother were present. The unwrapped present was set out under a fuzzy blanket and it was a private event. You see, mom had a stroke in May and cannot walk independently or use her left arm. Dad attends to her patiently, kindly and lovingly. He plans their future with accommodations she needs in mind. It’s both difficult and incredibly inspiring to watch.

“No research study or training event could teach this marital therapist more about a loving marriage than what I have observed over the past years and particularly this summer.”

No research study or training event could teach this marital therapist more about a loving marriage than what I have observed over the past years and particularly this summer. Mom and dad would tell you their secret to success is their belief in the sanctity of their marriage and an attitude of servant-hood towards each other.

I can tell you how it feels to be with them. The love they show one another in good times and in recent months is amazing.

Surround yourself with couples that believe in the value of marriage. Spend time with couples that are consistently kind, affectionate and committed to one another. It will remind you daily of how to nurture your spouse and your relationship. For them, the little stuff really doesn’t matter. How they think about each other, treat each other and feel about each other, really, really does matter. It’s now 55 years strong.