Advice on Marriage & Relationships
In all relationships there is a push and pull of closeness and distance. Some people need more belonging while others need more autonomy or space. In the Psychological literature these ideas are discussed in terms of attachment. Attachment is the emotional bond built with our caregivers in the earliest days of life and those bonds show themselves throughout various stages of development even lasting into adulthood.
Think about how you like to feel supported by your spouse. For some of us an explicit expression of help is a welcome gesture and brings about a sense of appreciation. For others, an explicit effort to help makes us feel more stressed and even annoyed. Appreciating what tasks our partner’s feel confident with is the key to being appropriately supportive. These are the findings of the authors of a research study in 2017.
With the arrival of COVID-19 and the resulting isolation measures in place, all Canadians have felt some impact on family dynamics. This means that parents have been managing their children more of the time and engaging in what researchers call family work. This family work generally takes on three forms: housework, child rearing and emotion work. While housework and child rearing can be easily observed, emotion work is done covertly and is not easily seen or measured.
Many couples struggle to find a good match in couple friends. The wife might really like the female in the relationship, or the husband might really like the male in the couple. Often one might be too loud, drink too much or be a little dull. These incompatibilities can spill over into disagreements between the couple or result in isolation or individual friend groups.
I have noticed that a new perspective can have a powerful impact on a marriage. We are so often stuck in our own vantage point and are unable to see how this perspective blocks any other.
There is a great deal of focus in the therapeutic community for empathy in relationships. Many a therapist in a couple’s counselling session has attempted to increase the empathy of one spouse toward the other in the hope of increasing their emotional intimacy.
In therapy, we can talk a lot about the problem, but the better option is to flip the problem and create clarity by asking what the opposite of the problem is. In my practice, I ask people how they would be experiencing their relationship differently if there was a miracle in the night and it was fixed.
Resolvology has added a new member to our team. Ryder is our 8-month-old Golden doodle puppy. Ryder was chosen from a litter of nine puppies and we chose him because he displayed a friendly yet calm disposition. We have been working with Ryder to socialize him and prepare him to be a working dog. Ryder has attended a ten-week training program to help him with basic training. He will attend further training closer to his first job in the therapy office.
What Does Science Tell Us About Successful Relationships? JEANNINE CROFTON Communication Many years ago couple therapists were left to guess about what made a good relationship. It seemed we could spot a good relationship but couldn’t say why a particular couple was...
Christmas is a time of year that can easily overwhelm all of us. It is often the case that our relationships are low on our priority list and during the Christmas season our spouse can land even lower. So how do you keep your partner as a priority when it makes sense to divide and conquer the many events, recitals, hosting obligations and financial obligations?